Storgy –We will not spend much time here; storgy is the love one has for a dependent. It is commonly called “motherly love.” It is entirely based on the relationship between the “lover” and the “lovee.” When the dependent is no longer dependent, this love remains only in its emotional remnants. It is one of the stronger loves, because it involves a commitment that relies on only one trait of the receiver –that he or she is dependent. This type of love is toxic to a marriage under normal circumstances. Marriages that look more like a mother/ son or father/ daughter relationship will quickly move downhill.
Agape –Agape love is the final of the six loves we look at here. Agape love is entirely about the lover, and has nothing whatsoever to do with the one loved. Agape love, in its purest form, requires no payment or favor in response. The most common word for God’s love for us is agape (John 3: 16) and the love we are commanded to have for one another (Matthew 5: 44, 1 Corinthians 13). This lack of input from the recipient makes it possible for us to love our enemies even though we may not like them or the situation they have put us in, because agape love is not in any way dependent on circumstances. It says, “I love you because I choose/ commit to.” Unlike eros or philos, agape creates a straight line that neither fades nor grows in its perfect form, which of course only exists from God outward, though many people marry out of eros love alone. They make vows that speak of commitment despite any circumstance: richer/ poorer, better/ worse, sickness/ health. This kind of love is about a commitment to the very best for another, no matter what emotions or feelings exist! You can see why in the King James Version of the Bible, agape was usually translated as “charity.” It is a love freely given, and freely committed to. For a more in depth look at its aspects, look at 1 Corinthians 13.2 To those of you that feel like you’re in love with someone, there are not many greater feelings in the world; savor it. However, there is no love like the love Jesus puts in the heart of a Spirit-filled believer, so please don’t make the mistake of sacrificing that love for the others. Make sure whomever you date loves Jesus.
Philos love, or brotherly/ friendship love -is the next kind we will look at. Philos describes the love between two people who have common interests and experiences, or a fondness for. Hemophiliacs apparently seemed to ancient doctors to have a “fondness” to bleeding, for example. Unlike eros, which pulses up and down like waves on the ocean, philos steadily grows, like a building being constructed stone by stone. For this reason, when close friends are separated for a while and reunited, they will often say “it is like we picked up exactly where we left off.” Philos is half about the circumstances, and half about the commitment of two people to one another; it says “I love who we are together,” or in case of a non person: “I am fond of this food.” Philos love generally grows over time except in the case of some kind of betrayal. It is commonly used in the New Testament, as in Matthew 10: 37, John 12: 25, and Revelation 3: 19.
Eros –Eros is the root word for “erotic,“ but it does not describe sexual love only; it actually describes all emotional love, or the feeling of being in love. Eros love is that insatiable desire to be near the object of desire. This is the exciting, passionate, nervous feeling that sweeps over people in appropriate circumstances. This is the love that says “I love how you make me feel.” As an emotion, eros changes, sometimes suddenly. Remember that it is entirely based on circumstances and on the target of its emotion. As an emotion alone, it is morally neutral; however, it can just as easily lead to lust (sinful desire) as it can passion. It is also a good picture to think of eros as the fruit and flowers of a new relationship. Eros is not a bad thing, but it is not necessarily a good thing either, as it is often this type love, unbridled, that leads to misguided decisions about intimacy.
Mania –This obsessive, jealous love style is characterized by self-defeating emotions, desperate attempts to force affection from the beloved, and the inability to believe in or trust any affection the loved one actually does display. The manic lover is desperate to fall in love and to be loved, begins immediately to imagine a future with the partner, wants to see the partner daily, tries to force the partner to show love and commitment, distrusts the partner’s sincerity, and is extremely possessive. 1 This is the love of possession. Mania encompasses the idea of obsessively desiring to own or control. It is generally seen as taking over the “lover” like insanity –thus the connection to modern concepts of madness (kleptomania, pyromania). It is like the opposite of a phobia –an obsessive need to avoid something. “Mania” is translated as “madness” and “beside yourself” in Acts 26.
spiritual compatibility, on any level, is critical in marriage. I can say with confidence that marriage is the most difficult relationship you will ever have to maintain. Being with one person forever is not natural; it is supernatural—a spiritual discipline that takes a lifetime to perfect. You better be pretty sure the person is worth it before you choose.
Before you begin a relationship with anyone, I would strongly recommend taking inventory of your relationship with Christ, and evaluating where you are in your faith. Whatever that level is, that’s the degree to which you are going to be successful in your relationship with a human being. The stronger your relationship with Christ, the better chances you have at selecting the mate He would have you to be with and the more likely you are to experience joy and satisfaction in a relationship that will ultimately lead to marriage. If your relationship with God is weak or shallow, you should have a commensurate expectation level for having a successful dating experience. I can’t stress it enough; you need God’s guidance in selecting a mate.
Just as it is important that a person you are considering marrying be in love with Jesus, the same applies for you, which is why I mentioned being on a similar spiritual plane earlier. You too should be in love with Jesus. Knowing Him personally will give you an indispensable edge in dating and you want that advantage. There are so many people with their own goals in mind when they approach you, and many times, those goals won’t even include starting a longterm, loving, holy relationship. Unfortunately, especially for women who want to love and be loved, it’s not always easy to detect what a person’s objectives are at the onset. However, when you have a relationship with Christ, He’ll talk to you, and without the impediment of persistent sin blocking your ability to hear clearly, you’ll be able to discern the motives of those with impure intentions and make sensible decisions long before you’ve taken any emotional risks. Being in tune with the Holy Spirit can save you considerable time, effort, and energy, and eliminate the possibility of weeks, months, and even years laden with confusion, frustration, and disappointment.
